I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
