I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
