Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
