You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
