Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
