dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
