I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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