I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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