No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
