The maid of honor just puked.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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