And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
