Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Swine flu is the new snow day.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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