I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
