if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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