I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
