when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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