A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
