This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
