I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
