3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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