I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
is wine microwaveable?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
