tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
