Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
