my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
