Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
