you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
