last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
