No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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