You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
