careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
