YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
