Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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