Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
