his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
