even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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