So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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