best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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