So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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