Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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