Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
