don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
