This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
This is classic penis vs brain.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
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