i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
