Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
