Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
