Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
