hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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