new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
