you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
