girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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