we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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