he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You're like the curious george of whores
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Randomize
