I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
