He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
