You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
