My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
