My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
