Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
