My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You work out of a Hotel?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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