There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
