I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
