for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
send nudes
from the living room?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
