it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
