I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
