Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
