i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
