Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
