So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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