Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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