He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
