I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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