Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
