There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
