i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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