On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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