i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
COCAINE IS GR8
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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