She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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