are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
