Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
