A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
