the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My dick has a subreddit
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
