my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
