Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
