girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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