Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Semen is not good for contacts.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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