Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
