We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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