i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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