i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
